The Train

My friend, the train
Forward and Majestic
Overbearing my Journey

Whatever a man knows

Whatever a man knows, whatever is not mere rumbling and roaring that
he has heard, can be said in three words.
-- Kurnberger

Behind a blood-stained curtain

Behind a blood-stained curtain, love has spread its gardens.
Lovers are busy with the beauty of the love that is beyond explanation.
Intellect says: 'The six directions are the limit, there is nothing
beyond them.'
Love says:'There is a road, and I have journeyed on it many times.'
Love detected markets beyond that market.
Intellect says:'Do not set foot on the land of annihilation;
There is nothing there but thorns.'
Love says;'Those thorns you feel are only inside you!
Be silent! remove the thorn of existence from the foot of the heart;
So that you may see the gardens within.'
O Shams of Tabriz! you are the Sun cloaked by the cloud of speech;
When your Sun rose, all the words melted!

(Divan 132:1-3, 6-8)
Rumi

Wisdom and Age

Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up
all by itself.
- Woodrow Wilson

Calm and Strife

The person resolute in the Way must strive not to lose sight of it,
whether in a place of calm or in a place of strife. Beware of clinging
to quiet places and shunning those where there is disturbance. If you
try to take refuge from trouble by running to some quiet place, you
will fall into confusion.

- Daikaku (1213-1279)

Cleverness and Stupidity (oh, and money, too!)

To be clever enough to get all the money, one must be stupid enough to want it.
-- Gilbert K. Chesterton

Same Source Differ In Name

Ever desireless,
One can see the mystery.
Ever desiring,
One can see the manifestations.
These two spring
From the same source
But differ in name.

- Lao tzu

Caught in the storm of my tears, with a bleeding heart

I said I shall tell the tale of my heart as best as I can;
Caught in the storm of my tears, with a bleeding heart,

I failed to do that!
I tried to relate to event in broken, muted words;
The cup of my thoughts was so fragile, that I fell into pieces like
shattered glass.
Many ships were wrecked in this storm;
What is my little helpless boat in comparison?

The waves destroyed my ship, neither good remained nor bad;
Free from myself, I tied my body to a raft.
Now, I am neither up nor down-no this is not a fair description;
I am up on a wave one instant, and down under another the next.
I am not aware of my existence, I know only this:
When I am, I am not, and when I am not, I am!

(Divan 1419:1-6)
Rumi

In the World

In the World

Barefoot and naked of breast,
I mingle with the people
Of the world.
My clothes are ragged
And dust laden,
And I am ever blissful.
I use no magic to extend my life;
Now, before me,
The dead trees become alive.

- Kakuan (1100-1200)

The Primordial Sea

It is impossible to give a clear account of the world, but art can
teach us to reproduce it --just as the world reproduces itself in the
course of its eternal gyrations. The primordial sea indefatigably
repeats the same words and casts up the same astonished beings on the
same sea-shore.
-- Albert Camus

the sages who, abandoning learning, rest in spontaneity

Fearing that none of you would understand, they gave it the name Tao,
but you must not base any concept upon that name. So it is said that
"when the fish is caught, the trap is forgotten." When body and mind
achieve spontaneity, the Tao is reached and universal mind can be
understood. In former times people's minds were sharp. Upon hearing a
single sentence, they abandoned study and so came to be called "the
sages who, abandoning learning, rest in spontaneity." In these days,
people only seek to stuff themselves with knowledge and deductions,
placing great reliance on written explanations and calling all this
the practice.

- Huang-po (d.850)

Priceless!

Holy Moses! Have a look!
Flesh decayed in every nook!
Some rare bits of brain lie here,
Mortal loads of beef and beer,
Some of whom are turned to dust,
Every one bids lost to lust;
Royal flesh so tinged with 'blue'
Undergoes the same as you.

-- Amanda McKittrick Ros

objects

Over the ages
You have followed objects,
Never once turning back
To look within.
Time slips away;
Months and years
Are wasted

- Kuei-shan Ling-yu (771-854)

Contentment

It is the bedrock or foundation on which to parry the vicissitudes of common existence.

Narrow and Wide

Many times the mountains have
Turned from green to yellow
So much for the capricious earth!
Dust in your eyes,
The triple world is narrow;
Nothing on your mind,
Your chair is wide enough.

- Muso (1275 – 1351)

There is a going beyond appearance and emptiness

The more you talk and think about it,
The further astray you wander from the truth.
Stop talking and thinking,
And there is nothing you will not be able to know.
To return to the root is to find the meaning,
But to pursue appearances is to miss the source.
At the moment of inner enlightenment
There is a going beyond appearance and emptiness.

- Seng Ts'an (d. 606 )

A lotus comes out of the mud

Sitting on top of a boulder
The gorge stream icy cold
Quiet fun holds a special charm
Fogged-in on deserted cliffs
A fine place to rest
The sun leans and tree shadows sprawl
While I view the ground of my mind
A lotus comes out of the mud.

- Han-shan

Truly Seeing

With an eye made quiet by the power of harmony, and the deep power of
joy, we see into the life of things - William Wordsworth

The narrower the mind, the broader the statement - Ted Cook

The narrower the mind, the broader the statement - Ted Cook

Don’t seek fame or fortune

Don't seek fame or fortune,
Glory or prosperity.
Just pass this life as is,
According to circumstances.
When the breath is gone,
Who is in charge?
After the death of the body,
There is only an empty name.
When your clothes are worn,
Repair them over and over;
When you have no food,
Work to provide.
How long can a phantomlike body last?
Would you increase your ignorance
For the sake of its idle concerns?

- Tung-shan

Distant, vast!

In the still night by the vacant window,
Wrapped in monk's robe I sit in meditation,
Navel and nostrils lined up straight,
Ears paired to the slope of shoulders.
Window whitens; the moon comes up;
Rain's stopped, but drops go on dripping.
Wonderful,the mood of this moment-
Distant, vast!

- Ryokan (1758-1831)

Consciousness and perception

Consciousness and perception range from shallow to deep. As for
profound perceptions, they are pure through the ages. They are the
basis to influence and cultivate mind from the first generation of the
aspiration for enlightenment until the achievement of buddhahood
without falling back.

- Records of the Lanka

persistence

Nothing in this world can
take the place of persistence.

Talent will not; nothing is more common
than unsuccessful people with talent.

Genius will not; unrewarded genius
is almost a proverb.

Education will not;
the world is full of educated derelicts.

Persistence and determination
alone are omnipotent.

- Calvin Coolidge (1872-1933)

I climb the road to Cold Mountain,

I climb the road to Cold Mountain,
The road to Cold Mountain that never ends.
The valleys are long and strewn with stones;
The streams broad and banked with thick grass.
Moss is slippery, though no rain has fallen;
Pines sigh, but it isn't the wind.
Who can break from the snares of the world
And sit with me among the white clouds?

- Han-shan

The sphere of birthless mind

Look into the sphere of birthless mind!
Let dawn the enjoyment of ceaseless play!
When free of hope and fear, that's the result.
Why speak of birth and death?
Come to the natural, unmodified state!

- Milarepa

I said I shall tell the tale of my heart as best as I can

I said I shall tell the tale of my heart as best as I can;
Caught in the storm of my tears, with a bleeding heart,

I failed to do that!
I tried to relate to event in broken, muted words;
The cup of my thoughts was so fragile, that I fell into pieces like
shattered glass.
Many ships were wrecked in this storm;
What is my little helpless boat in comparison?

The waves destroyed my ship, neither good remained nor bad;
Free from myself, I tied my body to a raft.
Now, I am neither up nor down-no this is not a fair description;
I am up on a wave one instant, and down under another the next.
I am not aware of my existence, I know only this:
When I am, I am not, and when I am not, I am!

(Divan 1419:1-6)

Love

Rainer Maria Rilke: "For one human being to love another is the most
difficult task of all. It's the work for which all other work is mere
preparation."
Teilhard de Chardin: "Someday after we have mastered the winds, the
waves, and gravity, we will harness for God the energies of love; and
then for a second time in the history of the world, human beings will
have discovered fire."
Leo Tolstoy: "Love is life. All, everything that I understand, I
understand only because I love. Everything is, everything exists, only
because I love."
Blaise Pascal: "If you do not love too much, you do not love enough."
Emily Dickinson: "Until you have loved, you cannot become yourself."

Confusion

To know that the one good is balance and yet not to reach balance, to
know all phenomena are mind and yet not to understand mind; this is
confusion. To know the matter of birth and death is serious and yet
not to realize birthlessness, to know impermanence is swift and yet
not to realize there is fundamentally no speed; this is confusion.

- Records of the Lanka

Giving

The spirit in which a thing is given determines that in which the debt is acknowledged; it's the intention, not the face-value of the gift, that's weighed.
- Seneca

nymph, perfect, divine

... goddess, nymph, perfect, divine!
To what, my love, shall I compare thine eyne?
Crystal is muddy. O, how ripe in show
Thy lips, those kissing cherries, tempting grow!
That pure congealed white, high Taurus' snow,
Fann'd with the eastern wind, turns to a crow
When thou hold'st up thy hand: O, let me kiss
This princess of pure white, this seal of bliss!

An example

An example of what I was talking about in the previous post:


The world? Moonlit
Drops shaken
From the crane’s bill.

- Dogen (1200 – 1253)

Enlightenment Now

Driving yesterday;
Stopped and noticed
The myriad facets in the stop light
Of the car next to me.
Unbelievably fascinating,
Totally absorbed by this simple
Quest into perception.
Sudden awareness:
This is the Enlightenment
Of Chinese Zen Masters.
This is how they felt
Looking at bamboo and mist
From their mountain huts.
They continued living
Their struggling existence
Yet were in a state
Of Enlightenment.
So it is with me
Now, for a month.
Life will still hold
Its travails, joys and pains.
I will still struggle
And strive and
Achieve and not;
Yet with Enlightenment
Always There,
Always Available,
Just below the surface;
Simply need to look
And it will be there.

Happiness

You are happy, happy, but I am a thousand times happier!
Whom have I encountered in my dream last night? I know not.
I am so happy, I cannot be contained in the world;
But like a spirit, I am hidden from the eyes of the world.
If the foot of the trees were not tied to earth, they would be pursuing me;
For I have blossomed so much, I am the envy of the gardens.

(Divan 1740:1-3)

If you do not find it now, you will repeat the same routines for myriad eons

Make no mistake about it; if you do not find it now, you will repeat the same routines for myriad eons, a thousand times over again, following and picking up on objects that attract you. We are no different from Shakyamuni Buddha. Today, in your various activities, what do you lack? The spiritual light coursing through your six senses has never been interrupted. If you can see in this way, you will simply be free of burdens all your life.

- Lin Chi (d 867?)

Whack to the Side of the Soul

If it had been me maybe a couple of months ago (mmm, who knows, maybe longer ago), and I had somebody writing something to me about being contented and all that crap, I would probably have written "and then you wake up one morning and find that someone has pissed in your
cornflakes". It is the perfect response to reading all that stuff.

Except that, in my current state of mind, if I found that someone had pissed in my cornflakes, I would look at wonder at the piss in the cornflakes and see all this amazing stuff and marvel at the weirdness of some people and the novelty of cornflake piss - then tip it out and make myself some more - and still be contented with life as it is and was and could be.

That is the stupid thing about this feeling - it doesn't seem to matter what the external situation is (and most of any internal situation), there is always something about whatever is happening that is right and good and meet and that reinforces the feeling. Weird.

I was putting the bin out last night and it hit the gate and tipped over, spilling out a bunch of stuff onto the lawn and path - all whilst in the darkness and wind.
I just thought "wow" - how did all those tins and bottles from underneath the jammed in cardboard get to fall out.
I piled them all back in and continued with putting the bin out, then got the other one and marvelled at the moon in the sky and the windy night.

Things may be upsetting, but any feeling of upsettedness disappears so quickly, eaten away by the bacteria of goodness and happiness.
Even happens for more critical / important / bigger issues.
Just takes a little longer for the "bacteria" to do their work.

All in all, it strikes me that this whole thing is a little more than just being like a cow - contentedly chewing on one's cud in the field, waiting for the truck to pull up (although, in the longer longer view of life, that may be the most apt description of all).

This thing is like a "whack" to the side of the soul.
Everything has been shifted.
Everything is now seen and experienced from the "shift".
Nobody can see any difference, except everything that I do and happens to me is now different.

Still Contentment

Am I still feeling contentment? Well, strangely, yes, in its own strange little manner.

It was a very strong feeling on the weekend and just before, and now sort of a little less, but I think a lot of that has to do with the normal ebb and flow of the stresses of working and family and just living - both in the society we live in (which can be manic at times - but let's have some perspective here - I am sure that people living 100 years ago, 200 years, 300 years ago, even 3,000 years ago or more, felt, at the time, and from one time to another, that they lived in a manic sort of society that put all sorts of pressures on them, one way or another (and that there may have been others that did not exactly feel this way either) and from the very fact that we are just living, ie being alive - just breathing and heart-beating is an ebb and flow pressurised stress-ful type of thing - why do you think our bodies and minds eventually wear out and we die?

So, there is all that stuff con-bobulating on the surface, with the awareness and continued strong feeling of solid contentment providing the foundation for ongoing existence.

So far, a pretty good feeling to have, and something to embed in one's psyche and physique, to have available as a resource at some future point when events conspire to topple one's contentment control.

Anyway, we will see how long it goes for and how we can continue in this new world.

Just now back from lunch.
Must write some more.
It is actually quite absurd, this feeling.
Things were dead-level before lunch at work - just work, nothing special (and, consequentially (I think) no real additional awareness of the feeling of contentment).
Yet I am at lunch and the feeling wells again - ever so gently.
And then I am walking back to work and I see an outdoor sculptor and feel how wonderful is it that there is something there, and I see an old van stop for someone to cross the road at a roundabout and I marvel (yes, marvel!) at the wonder of that old beat-up van stopping for someone to cross the road.

Thus the awareness comes that this feeling of contentment (as it has been so-called so far) is not just the bland, benign, "who really cares" feeling of a nothingness which is passed off with a pretty title, but rather, an active state of deeper awareness and appreciation of each single element of this gorgeous universe we live in, and being at-peace, at-one with all that makes this world, that creates this wonder.

It is an active state that is strong and on-going, of persistence and solidity, not one of strenuous hyper-activity that soon consumes all its reserves, depletes its energy and fades into the background and disappears, left with nausea, ennui, whatever!

That is the intriguing thing about this feeling - it is not one thing, nor another, but everything.
Which makes it interesting to see how long it maintains itself, as itself, of itself.

Materialism

The most terrible thing about materialism, even more terrible than its proneness to violence, is its boredom, from which sex, alcohol, drugs, all devices for putting out the accusing light of reason and suppressing the unrealizable aspirations of love, offer a prospect of deliverance.
- Malcolm Muggeridge

Contentment

I thought I would very quickly write and tell you about the strangest thing:
Over the last couple of weeks, and especially marked over the last week - I have been feeling a great feeling of contentment and "at peace-ness" with everything - being able to quietly smile at just totally everything, being able to just look at trees on the side of the road and be happy, very happy that they exist and that I am observing their existence, in the manner that they are presenting themselves to me, at this very moment, in this very way.
Most unlike the normal situation I have come to expect.
And I am thinking that this is some sort of lasting situation, that, for some strange reason, totally unknown and unforeseen, some cosmic corner has been turned and this will last for a long time.
Most likely mistaken, but even that internal certainty of lasting contentment, based on no facts and no evidence of any sort, is, in itself, another reason to feel contented and at peace.
Most interesting.

Why I Write

"I do not write for a select minority, which means nothing to me, nor for that adulated platonic entity known as 'The Masses'. Both abstractions, so dear to the demagogue, I disbelieve in. I write for myself and for my friends, and I write to ease the passing of time."
— Jorge Luis Borges, Introduction to The Book of Sand

The Theatre

“He knew that an enormous proportion of mankind feels, weirdly but indisputably, a stronger awe for the theatre than almost any other art or activity on earth. He knew that to get in on the inside, to be ‘behind scenes’ in the theatre, was to achieve a glamour completely out of proportion to that attached to almost any other profession. He knew that to give to the average person free seats for the theatre (while pretending that such a thing was easy because one was intimately connected with it) gratified such a person a dozen times more than to give him the money for the seats. When anxious to flatter, cajole, or bribe people in the past, he had often himself bought seats at a theatre and then given them away with the pretence that he had come by them through inside influence and that they were of no use to himself.”

- Patrick Hamilton, Mr. Stimpson and Mr. Gorse

Social Fabrications

"I gave way to delight, as mystics have for centuries when they peeked through the curtains and discovered that this world- so manifestly real was actually a tiny stage set constructed by the mind. We discover abruptly that everything we accept as reality is just social fabrications."
- Timothy Leary, 1966

Discrimination

I teach that the multitudinousness of objects have no reality in themselves but are only seen of the mind and, therefore, are of the nature of maya and a dream. ...It is true that in one sense they are seen and discriminated by the senses as individualized objects; but in another sense, because of the absence of any characteristic marks of self-nature, they are not seen but are only imagined. In one sense they are graspable, but in another sense, they are not graspable.

- Buddha

As I watched

As I watched:

Thrones were set up
and the Ancient One took his throne.
His clothing was bright as snow,
and the hair on his head as white as wool;
his throne was flames of fire,
with wheels of burning fire.
A surging stream of fire
flowed out from where he sat;
Thousands upon thousands were ministering to him,
and myriads upon myriads attended him.
The court was convened and the books were opened.

As the visions during the night continued, I saw:

One like a Son of man coming,
on the clouds of heaven;
When he reached the Ancient One
and was presented before him,
The one like a Son of man received dominion, glory, and kingship;
all peoples, nations, and languages serve him.
His dominion is an everlasting dominion
that shall not be taken away,
his kingship shall not be destroyed.

-- Dn 7:9-10, 13-14

A demon will attach himself to you

If you create the idea of a Pure Land and your aim is to be saved by the vow of Amida, a demon will attach himself to you through that aim. Because doubt, like the great sky, has no subjective body, the demon has nothing to hold on to.

- Shosan

Manifestations of the Mind

All such notions as causation, succession, atoms, primary elements...are all figments of the imagination and manifestations of the mind. - Buddha

One thing is certain, your body will get old, decay, and die. - Buddha

One thing is certain, your body will get old, decay, and die. - Buddha

GRETCHENS STIMME

from:
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
"Selected Poetry"
translated by David Luke
Penguin Books, 1999


GRETCHENS STIMME

Meine Mutter, die Hur,
Die mich umgebracht hat!
Mein Vater, der Scheim,
Der mich gessen hat!
Mein Schwesterlein klein
Hub auf die Bein
An einem kühlen Ort — Da ward ich em schönes Waldvogelein,
Fliege fort, fliege fort!


GRETCHEN’S VOICE

Who killed me dead?
My mother, the whore!
Who ate my flesh?
My father, for sure!
Little sister gathered
The bones he scattered;
In a cool, cool place they lie.
And then I became a birdie so fine,
And away I fly — away I fly.

Creativity

Creativity can solve almost any problem. The creative act, the defeat of habit by originality, overcomes everything.

-- George Lois

It is neither wealth nor splendor; but tranquillity and occupation which give happiness.

It is neither wealth nor splendor; but tranquillity and occupation which give happiness.

-- Thomas Jefferson

Slave to the Shavian Rhythm

Slave to the Shavian Rhythm

The practice of Zen

The practice of Zen
Has no secret,
Except standing on the
Verge of life and death.

- Takeda Shingen (1521-1573)

I can't tell you what art does

I can't tell you what art does and how it does it, but I know that often art has judged the judges, pleaded revenge to the innocent and shown to the future what the past suffered, so that it has never been forgotten. Art, when it functions like this, becomes a meeting-place of the invisible, the irreducible, the enduring, guts, and honor.

Berger, John

The empty sky listened with a cold heart

In my pot nothing but the wind’s deep moan,
For company only a staff of wisteria vine;
Last night we chatted and laughed till all hours
The empty sky listened with a cold heart.

- Muso Soseki (1275–1351)

Going home

Does one really have to fret
About enlightenment?
No matter what road I travel,
I’m going home.

- Shinsho

Like strangers on the road

For twenty seven years
I’ve always sought the Way.
Well, this morning we passed
Like strangers on the road.

- Kokuin (10th century)

Behind a blood-stained curtain

Behind a blood-stained curtain, love has spread its gardens.
Lovers are busy with the beauty of the love that is beyond explanation.
Intellect says: 'The six directions are the limit, there is nothing beyond them.'
Love says:'There is a road, and I have journeyed on it many times.'
Love detected markets beyond that market.
Intellect says:'Do not set foot on the land of annihilation;
There is nothing there but thorns.'
Love says;'Those thorns you feel are only inside you!
Be silent! remove the thorn of existence from the foot of the heart;
So that you may see the gardens within.'
O Shams of Tabriz! you are the Sun cloaked by the cloud of speech;
When your Sun rose, all the words melted!

(Divan 132:1-3, 6-8)

What exactly is it that you want?

What exactly is it that you want?

Independence of mind and will. Ability to make one's own decisions, without having to kowtow to anyone else, without having to make unwilling compromises because someone else has to be considered and accommodated.

To have just the one person, that is yours forever, that loves you and you alone, that is faithful in word, thought and deed, that considers you and your needs above all else.

To achieve in your career, to be recognized for the person that you are, for your skills and accomplishments, not for who you are with or accompany.

To have children, that you love and who love you in return. Who you help grow and mature and become wonderful human beings in their own right. Who bring you joy and comfort as you grow older.

To do your own thing, when you want to do it for the reasons that you want or please you. At your own pace, with no demands from others except for the demands that you consciously agree to.

To be with someone, to feel human warmth and contact, to grow more intimate in a most meaningful manner over the years, to have companionship into your old age, that is just there and demands nothing more than it is there.

To choose who you want to be with, when you want to be with them. To choose to be with a different person or persons whenever it suits. To define the parameters of your relationships according to what you think or want, however that may change over time.

To be transported to the ends of pleasure by the person that you love, and who loves you in return. By your true love, for it is true love that defines the ends of pleasure, that maps the extent of bounding one's world, of transforming profane to sublime.

To love and be loved, utterly and absolutely, forever and forever.

Look - conditions

Look. There was one who was enlightened with the sound of a bamboo being struck and another who clarified his mind upon seeing peach blossoms. Is the bamboo bright or dull, deluded or enlightened? Are peach blossoms shallow or deep, wise or foolish? Although flowers blossom year after year, not everyone who sees them is enlightened. When a bamboo cracks, not everyone who hears it realizes the way.

Enlightenment and clarity of the mind occur only in response to the sustained effort of study and practice. Endeavoring in the way ripens the conditions of your practice. It is not that the sound of the bamboo is sharp or the color of the blossoms is vivid. Although the sound of the bamboo is wondrous, it is heard at the moment when it’s hit by a pebble. Although the color of the blossoms is beautiful, they do not open by themselves but unfold in the light of springtime. Studying the way is like this. You attain the way when conditions come together. Although you have your own capacity, you practice the way with the combined strength of the community. So you should practice and search with one mind with others.

- Dogen (1200-1253)

Whom have I encountered in my dream last night?

You are happy, happy, but I am a thousand times happier!
Whom have I encountered in my dream last night? I know not.
I am so happy, I cannot be contained in the world;
But like a spirit, I am hidden from the eyes of the world.
If the foot of the trees were not tied to earth, they would be pursuing me;
For I have blossomed so much, I am the envy of the gardens.

(Divan 1740:1-3)

A little "Over The Top" methinks

What we know as 'life' is the analytical realization in the seriality of time of our eternal reality. - Why Lazurus Laughed by Wei Wu Wei

Oneness

This shape I have, O master, who do I look like?
One moment I am a fairy, the next and enchanter of one.
Burning with enthusiasms, I am both the candle and the crowd gathered around it;
I am the smoke and the light, together and scattered at once.

(Divan 1465:1-2)

My perplexity is more perplexing

There is no edge to my vast desert;
There is no peace for my heart and my soul.
The world is taken, from end to end, by image and form;
Which of these images is mine?
If you see a severed head on the way
Rolling in the direction of the battlefied;
Ask him, ask him concerning my secrets
For, from him you hear my hidden mysteries.
What if one ear could be found;
Suited to understand the speech of my birds.
What if one bird could fly,
Who wore my ring of Solomon's secrets [around her neck].
What am I saying? when I know telling this tale
Is beyond my limits and my ability is.
How can I utter one word when each moment
My perplexity is more perplexing.

(Divan 239:1-8)

Thoughts and Dreams were reality. Long long future way - full of hope and concern.

Thoughts and Dreams were reality. Long long future way - full of hope and concern.

Quiescence

Devote yourself to the Absolute Emptiness;
Contemplate earnestly in Quiescence.
All things are together in Action,
But I look into their Non-action,
For things are continuously moving, restless,
Yet each is proceeding back to its origin.
Proceeding back to the origin means Quiescence.
To be in Quiescence is to see “Being-for-itself.”

- Lao tzu

Perspective

However deep your knowledge of the scriptures,
It is no more than a strand of hair
In the vastness of space;
However important seeming your worldly experience,
It is but a drop of water in a deep ravine.

- Tokusan

Behold the blasphemy that is faith!

I have come without a heart, without a soul;
Look at my color, read the lines on my face, O my boy!
No, I am wrong, I have not come at all, you came to me;
You came with me, hidden in my existence, O my boy!
Simile in the face of fire like a piece of gold;
And good fortune will smile at you. O my boy!

In the tavern of my heart there are thoughts
Fighting each other like drunks, O my boy!
Bear [with me] and listen to the clamor of the intoxicated;
Ah, the door broke! the doorman run away! O my boy!
I have come, and I have brought you a mirror;
Look at yourself, do not turn your face, O my boy!
My blasphemy is a mirror for your faith;
Behold the blasphemy that is faith! O my boy!
I cry out in silence;
I have come to be a silent speaker, O my boy!

(Divan 1098:1-8)
Rumi

The future but a way to death

"It is a time when one's spirit is subdued and sad, one knows not why; when the past seems a storm-swept desolation, life a vanity and a burden, and the future but a way to death."

- Mark Twain

The world of our sad humanity

"There are moments when, even to the sober eye of Reason, the world of our sad humanity must assume the aspect of Hell"

- Edgar Allan Poe

Sadness flies away on the wings of time

"Sadness flies away on the wings of time."

- Jean de La Fontaine

Tears, idle tears

Tears, idle tears, I know not what they mean.
Tears from the depth of some divine despair
Rise in the heart and gather to the eyes,
In looking on the happy autumn-fields,
And thinking of the days that are no more.

- Alfred Lord Tennyson

Sequential Time

On the 4^th of May, 2006 at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00 o'clock in the morning,
the time and date can be represented as:

01:02:03:04:05:06

A reasonable one off event.

Work

Work.
Now there's a concept.
There is so much to say about this subject.

What you say is correct.
What I say is (also) correct.
And what many others have said is also correct.
This is an area of discourse which each side (of which there are many) could go on about, swapping "serves", almost forever (and there are plenty enough commentators).
Since there are some that, quite cogently, argue that work constitutes a great portion of our time and our self-image and mental well-being, then it would be right to consider the issues of work in depth, and from many angles, in order to understand and then apply one's knowledge, for a better life for oneself, if for no other (more glorified) reason.

I just got this little interesting piece of information about work sent to me:

"They make up for than half of the work force. They work longer hours than everyone else in the company. From their ranks come most of the top managers. They're the midcareer employees, the solid citizens between the ages of 35 and 55 whom companies bank on for their loyalty and commitment. And they're not happy. In fact, they're burned out, bored and bottlenecked, new research reveals. Only 33% of the 7,700 workers the authors surveyed feel energized by their work; 36% say they're in dead end jobs. One in three is not satisfied with his or her job. One in five is looking for another. Companies are ill prepared to manage this group because it is so pervasive, largely invisible, and culturally uncharted. That neglect is bad for business: Many companies risk losing some of their best people or - even worse - ending up with an army of disaffected people who stay."

from
"Managing Middlescence"
Robert Morison, Tamara Erickson, Ken Dychtwald.
Harvard Business Review Boston:Mar 2006. Vol. 84, Iss. 3, p. 78-86

The implication of this abstract is that work is important, and that it is not being treated with enough respect within organisations - particularly for a whole range of disaffected workers. Luckily for you, you currently just miss out on the age range they mention. Unluckily for me, I do not.

Your comments about your work strike me as much about doing something which one considers worthwhile, as it does about "work" in a slightly narrower definition (of turning up to an office to do something to earn some money). It is the concept of alienation from work (for the proletariat - a la Marx) - in both its positive and negative aspects.

There is the wider definition of work. It can have a definite spiritual dimension. Gurdjieff was a relatively recent mystic who emphasised that one "works" (in the classic sense of working and earning a living) and that this "work", if done in the correct manner (there were a whole range of other things which accompanied this), then that would lead to spiritual development (and ultimately enlightenment). The founding Protestants (especially the Methodists and Calvinists) were very strong on the concept of work. Dr Martin Luther King said: "All labor that uplifts humanity has dignity and importance and should be undertaken with painstaking excellence."

The wider definition can have work being anything which one works at and which therefore can easily be something which provides pleasure and enhancement and many other elements.

And if this is what work is for one, then so much the better, since there is a great alignment between what one is doing and what one wants to do and one finds fulfilment in. These are the lucky people in the world.

One of the things to consider though is that not everyone may be so lucky - either from the start or somewhere through the process. These people that are "alienated" from their work must still work in order to earn money, and sometimes must engage in the most soul destroying of work in order to survive. Obviously, there are extremes here, since, due to the sheer number of people involved in this "condition", the sliding scales are minutely graduated - one example for every possible variation on the "theme" could no doubt be found somewhere in the world, and most likely in any country (although some countries would have the scale skewed one way or another more than other countries - thus the well-to-do first world countries would have more people earning good money and living an easy life yet still suffering an existenstial alienation from their work (and life, indeed) - more so than those living in poor third-world countries, who may be alienated from their work (think, factory line workers in sweat shops) but still lead a life of deprivation and, maybe, despair (maybe not).).

A careful reading of literature etc relating to this alienation would shed some light on this condition, and what it might mean to the society that these people live in, and provide a small amount of insight into the motivations behind certain acts. The more extreme forms of alienation, both work wise, but more generally from the society as a whole (even the global social concept currently in vogue), can lead to extreme forms of reaction - anger, violence, even terrorism (so-called, although it is now, unfortunately, become a catch-phrase to describe a bevy of issues and circumstances and acts that are generally undifferentiated and undiscerning).

Actually experiencing an element of the same alienation can, at times, assist in understanding what people are going through, and what drives certain behaviours (as opposed to others, which, we as "rational" individuals with a certain world-view, would consider sub-optimal or detrimental).

There is an element of actually experiencing this alienation that I am talking about when I talk about work and what it means, to me, at the moment.

Mind you, sometimes, having had an experience of this sort of alienation does not necessarily assist in making one's behaviour or reactions when dealing with certain types of situation any better - sometimes, one simply repeats (falls back on) previous learned responses. More so the pity for oneself, for one's organisation and for society.

Aristotle said: "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit."
Partially, this is what work is about. It is about doing things to be excellent, so that one is excellent all the time.

I surmise that there is an element of this in what you have said - that it gives you great pleasure to be the best that you can be, and the best that others expect you to be, through your work. The quote by Theodore I. Rubin probably sums up some of the attitude: "Happiness does not come from doing easy work but from the afterglow of satisfaction that comes after the achievement of a difficult task that demanded our best."

Or to put it another way, in another quote:
"When we do the best that we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life of another." - Helen Keller

Aristotle also said "Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work" and backed it up with "All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind".
I could not agree more with the latter comment. Back we go to the concept of alienation from work, due to the nature of it having to be paid work. If your work does not need to encompass any concept of needing to be paid for (in that you are either independently wealthy, or, psychologically, do not have a notion that you have to work in order to be paid, or do not need to be paid, whether for work or not), then, according to Aristotle, there can be no question of alienation from work - and working into ever increasing pleasure will result in rewarded perfection, or, alternately and as effectively, increased perfection in work will be rewarded with pleasure.

But, see, I was also talking about a range of other things, possibly well expressed by Krishnamurti when he said: "You must understand the whole of life, not just one little part of it. That is why you must read, that is why you must look at the skies, that is why you must sing and dance, and write poems, and suffer, and understand, for all that is life."

I am very much interested in the fact that a complete or whole life has many constitutes, of which work is only one. How to integrate all these elements into a fulfilling whole - especially when faced with a range of barriers - past learned behaviour, economic considerations, social and familial commitments, and many other issues - is an interesting exercise, which is engaging more of the population today (given the "aging" population in the first world, with more people living loinger with more money, able or needing to contemplate these issues for longer in their life).

This is the wider definition of what work may be about, or indeed, completely redefining the question. It is, indeed, something which has been ongoing for millenia, and repeatedly revisited with each new generation, in their own manner, in their own time, at the right time for them.

Each age, in the journey in life, has its own answer to fulfil - and, then, creates the questions for the answers they are living.

As I go about contemplating the questions and adhering the answers, there are valid alternate opinions and ideas which must not be forgotten, must not be ignored. Hence the value of conversation and discussion with others, through which one can be open and querulous.

Thus, as a result of such investigation and discussion, one of the elements I am forgetting is this:
"The conditions of conquest are always easy. We have but to toil awhile, endure awhile, believe always, and never turn back." - Marcus AAnnaeus Seneca
and
"Great works are performed not by strength, but by perseverance." - Samuel Johnson
and
"He who labors diligently need never despair; for all things are accomplished by diligence and labor." - Menander
and (my favourite - simply due to the awesome output from this man)
"I was made to work; if you are equally industrious, you will be equally successful." - Johann Sebastian Bach

I have lost the will to continually toil, to never doubt, never look back, never stop.
I am sure that it is a temporary event, and, indeed, it only relates to a few select situations. There are a range of things which don't interest me, don't have the "pull" to maintain the motivation and drive the engine of toil. There are plenty of situations where I put in quite a deal of effort. Doesn't seem to make much reward (over and above what is expected or known to happen). This simply compounds the sense of loss, and the lack of energy to continue to toil. Cycle and spiral conspire.

futures ineffectualness

Work has a place (especially in the Ethical life - as per Kierkegaard - or his antagonist in the book) and executing work in the appropriate manner with the appropriate attitude/mind is an important part of living a proper life.
Yet work, as we all know, is not all in life.
And business has even less a claim on life than work has - it is a pale cousin to proper work - yet assumes too great an importance and leads one astray (as a painted harlot of siren call for riches and fame).

And so I have been consolidating on the mental/psychological/spiritual improvement in re work and relationships that I started in the previous job I just had and have continued, albeit in a slightly different manner, in this job.

There is an element of adjusting to work and doing particular work (whatever it may be) for a while, until other conditions relating to my life are modified, and then looking at more radical choices associated with work and activity. There are lots of plans that I have - too many plans to actually be executed in the one lifetime that I have available to me (assuming that I will even live for a long time).

And it is certainly the case that whilst I may plan for, think about, fantazise over many different potential futures and types of work (or activities) that I could do in the future, it is virtually certain that what actually transpires in the future will be different from what I have thought and dreamt about. I am sure that, maybe, some of it will be somewhat similar, but it is just as likely that it will be completely different.

Which is an interesting concept to contemplate and address (psychologically). On the one hand, it provides a wonderful weird sort of hope for the future - hope that whatever things are like now, the future will provide something new and different, sufficiently new and different enough, to not be the same as before (in one's mind - of course, from an "identity" perspective, nothing EVER is the same as before, nor ever could be, due to the transpiration of time) that one will be invigorated and assaulted with the necessity to address life - and, therefore, as such, to live life - to engage and thereby make something worthwhile of the life lived, simply by the act of living that life in a conscious and wilful
manner. This is a good thing!

On the other hand, it is a little disconcerting to know that whatever you may think and hope for is essentially hopeless, it will never happen - and, therefore, why hope? Why bother to think, or plan, or contemplate the future?

Faced with one's ineffectualness, why bother at all - just let it all slide by, since whatever will happen is not known to us, and will happen anyway.

And it is further disconcerting to realise that one realises this and yet one still plans and dreams and hopes and thinks, way into the future, constantly turning and refining and stucturing and organising whatever it is that should be happening (and yet may never happen).
And then to realise that all of these positions, contradictory as they are, are all valid, all at the one time, and that one must hold them all in one's mind, all at once, and then still move forward, through an effort of WILL, which does, indeed, create whatever one will be moving into for the future.

Enough!

In my house there is a cave

In my house there is a cave
And in the cave is nothing at all
Pure and wonderfully empty
Resplendent, with a light like the sun.

- Han shan

Behind a blood-stained curtain

Behind a blood-stained curtain, love has spread its gardens.
Lovers are busy with the beauty of the love that is beyond explanation.
Intellect says: 'The six directions are the limit, there is nothing beyond them.'
Love says:'There is a road, and I have journeyed on it many times.'
Love detected markets beyond that market.
Intellect says:'Do not set foot on the land of annihilation;
There is nothing there but thorns.'
Love says;'Those thorns you feel are only inside you!
Be silent! remove the thorn of existence from the foot of the heart;
So that you may see the gardens within.'
O Shams of Tabriz! you are the Sun cloaked by the cloud of speech;
When your Sun rose, all the words melted!

(Divan 132:1-3, 6-8)

Plato's Republic Book VII

BOOK VII.


And now, I said, let me show in a figure how far our nature is enlightened
or unenlightened:--Behold! human beings living in a underground den, which
has a mouth open towards the light and reaching all along the den; here
they have been from their childhood, and have their legs and necks chained
so that they cannot move, and can only see before them, being prevented by
the chains from turning round their heads. Above and behind them a fire is
blazing at a distance, and between the fire and the prisoners there is a
raised way; and you will see, if you look, a low wall built along the way,
like the screen which marionette players have in front of them, over which
they show the puppets.

I see.

And do you see, I said, men passing along the wall carrying all sorts of
vessels, and statues and figures of animals made of wood and stone and
various materials, which appear over the wall? Some of them are talking,
others silent.

You have shown me a strange image, and they are strange prisoners.

Like ourselves, I replied; and they see only their own shadows, or the
shadows of one another, which the fire throws on the opposite wall of the
cave?

True, he said; how could they see anything but the shadows if they were
never allowed to move their heads?

And of the objects which are being carried in like manner they would only
see the shadows?

Yes, he said.

And if they were able to converse with one another, would they not suppose
that they were naming what was actually before them?

Very true.

And suppose further that the prison had an echo which came from the other
side, would they not be sure to fancy when one of the passers-by spoke that
the voice which they heard came from the passing shadow?

No question, he replied.

To them, I said, the truth would be literally nothing but the shadows of
the images.

That is certain.

And now look again, and see what will naturally follow if the prisoners are
released and disabused of their error. At first, when any of them is
liberated and compelled suddenly to stand up and turn his neck round and
walk and look towards the light, he will suffer sharp pains; the glare will
distress him, and he will be unable to see the realities of which in his
former state he had seen the shadows; and then conceive some one saying to
him, that what he saw before was an illusion, but that now, when he is
approaching nearer to being and his eye is turned towards more real
existence, he has a clearer vision,--what will be his reply? And you may
further imagine that his instructor is pointing to the objects as they pass
and requiring him to name them,--will he not be perplexed? Will he not
fancy that the shadows which he formerly saw are truer than the objects
which are now shown to him?

Far truer.

And if he is compelled to look straight at the light, will he not have a
pain in his eyes which will make him turn away to take refuge in the
objects of vision which he can see, and which he will conceive to be in
reality clearer than the things which are now being shown to him?

True, he said.

And suppose once more, that he is reluctantly dragged up a steep and rugged
ascent, and held fast until he is forced into the presence of the sun
himself, is he not likely to be pained and irritated? When he approaches
the light his eyes will be dazzled, and he will not be able to see anything
at all of what are now called realities.

Not all in a moment, he said.

He will require to grow accustomed to the sight of the upper world. And
first he will see the shadows best, next the reflections of men and other
objects in the water, and then the objects themselves; then he will gaze
upon the light of the moon and the stars and the spangled heaven; and he
will see the sky and the stars by night better than the sun or the light of
the sun by day?

Certainly.

Last of all he will be able to see the sun, and not mere reflections of him
in the water, but he will see him in his own proper place, and not in
another; and he will contemplate him as he is.

Certainly.

He will then proceed to argue that this is he who gives the season and the
years, and is the guardian of all that is in the visible world, and in a
certain way the cause of all things which he and his fellows have been
accustomed to behold?

Clearly, he said, he would first see the sun and then reason about him.

And when he remembered his old habitation, and the wisdom of the den and
his fellow-prisoners, do you not suppose that he would felicitate himself
on the change, and pity them?

Certainly, he would.

And if they were in the habit of conferring honours among themselves on
those who were quickest to observe the passing shadows and to remark which
of them went before, and which followed after, and which were together; and
who were therefore best able to draw conclusions as to the future, do you
think that he would care for such honours and glories, or envy the
possessors of them? Would he not say with Homer,

'Better to be the poor servant of a poor master,'
and to endure anything, rather than think as they do and live after their
manner?

Yes, he said, I think that he would rather suffer anything than entertain
these false notions and live in this miserable manner.

Imagine once more, I said, such an one coming suddenly out of the sun to be
replaced in his old situation; would he not be certain to have his eyes
full of darkness?

To be sure, he said.

And if there were a contest, and he had to compete in measuring the shadows
with the prisoners who had never moved out of the den, while his sight was
still weak, and before his eyes had become steady (and the time which would
be needed to acquire this new habit of sight might be very considerable),
would he not be ridiculous? Men would say of him that up he went and down
he came without his eyes; and that it was better not even to think of
ascending; and if any one tried to loose another and lead him up to the
light, let them only catch the offender, and they would put him to death.

No question, he said.

This entire allegory, I said, you may now append, dear Glaucon, to the
previous argument; the prison-house is the world of sight, the light of the
fire is the sun, and you will not misapprehend me if you interpret the
journey upwards to be the ascent of the soul into the intellectual world
according to my poor belief, which, at your desire, I have expressed--
whether rightly or wrongly God knows. But, whether true or false, my
opinion is that in the world of knowledge the idea of good appears last of
all, and is seen only with an effort; and, when seen, is also inferred to
be the universal author of all things beautiful and right, parent of light
and of the lord of light in this visible world, and the immediate source of
reason and truth in the intellectual; and that this is the power upon which
he who would act rationally either in public or private life must have his
eye fixed.

I agree, he said, as far as I am able to understand you.

Moreover, I said, you must not wonder that those who attain to this
beatific vision are unwilling to descend to human affairs; for their souls
are ever hastening into the upper world where they desire to dwell; which
desire of theirs is very natural, if our allegory may be trusted.

Yes, very natural.

And is there anything surprising in one who passes from divine
contemplations to the evil state of man, misbehaving himself in a
ridiculous manner; if, while his eyes are blinking and before he has become
accustomed to the surrounding darkness, he is compelled to fight in courts
of law, or in other places, about the images or the shadows of images of
justice, and is endeavouring to meet the conceptions of those who have
never yet seen absolute justice?

Anything but surprising, he replied.

Any one who has common sense will remember that the bewilderments of the
eyes are of two kinds, and arise from two causes, either from coming out of
the light or from going into the light, which is true of the mind's eye,
quite as much as of the bodily eye; and he who remembers this when he sees
any one whose vision is perplexed and weak, will not be too ready to laugh;
he will first ask whether that soul of man has come out of the brighter
life, and is unable to see because unaccustomed to the dark, or having
turned from darkness to the day is dazzled by excess of light. And he will
count the one happy in his condition and state of being, and he will pity
the other; or, if he have a mind to laugh at the soul which comes from
below into the light, there will be more reason in this than in the laugh
which greets him who returns from above out of the light into the den.

That, he said, is a very just distinction.

But then, if I am right, certain professors of education must be wrong when
they say that they can put a knowledge into the soul which was not there
before, like sight into blind eyes.

They undoubtedly say this, he replied.

Whereas, our argument shows that the power and capacity of learning exists
in the soul already; and that just as the eye was unable to turn from
darkness to light without the whole body, so too the instrument of
knowledge can only by the movement of the whole soul be turned from the
world of becoming into that of being, and learn by degrees to endure the
sight of being, and of the brightest and best of being, or in other words,
of the good.

Very true.

And must there not be some art which will effect conversion in the easiest
and quickest manner; not implanting the faculty of sight, for that exists
already, but has been turned in the wrong direction, and is looking away
from the truth?

Yes, he said, such an art may be presumed.

And whereas the other so-called virtues of the soul seem to be akin to
bodily qualities, for even when they are not originally innate they can be
implanted later by habit and exercise, the virtue of wisdom more than
anything else contains a divine element which always remains, and by this
conversion is rendered useful and profitable; or, on the other hand,
hurtful and useless. Did you never observe the narrow intelligence
flashing from the keen eye of a clever rogue--how eager he is, how clearly
his paltry soul sees the way to his end; he is the reverse of blind, but
his keen eye-sight is forced into the service of evil, and he is
mischievous in proportion to his cleverness?

Very true, he said.

But what if there had been a circumcision of such natures in the days of
their youth; and they had been severed from those sensual pleasures, such
as eating and drinking, which, like leaden weights, were attached to them
at their birth, and which drag them down and turn the vision of their souls
upon the things that are below--if, I say, they had been released from
these impediments and turned in the opposite direction, the very same
faculty in them would have seen the truth as keenly as they see what their
eyes are turned to now.

Very likely.

Sundays

Some days Sundays just wear me out.  Not because they are necessarily busy or hectic.  Nor because there are difficult things to do.

Simply because there is so much expectation associated with being able to do so much on the Sunday, and work is looming the next day, and yet, hardly anything gets done - regardless of how much actually does get done (which, on some days, is quite a lot), it is always that the expectation is never quite lived up to, and Sunday evening comes around and I feel sort of deflated and annoyed that yet another week has gone by without the masterful breakthrough in life.

a thousand meters of melancholy

I shall go to the store of the tailor of lovers, tomorrow;
Wearing my long robe made from a thousand meters of melancholy.
He can cut you off from Yazid and sew you onto Zayd;
he can pair you with this one and separate you from the other.
He can attach you to one to whom you give your heart for life;
What a fabric, what a stitch, what a miracle-making hand.

(Divan 216:1-3) -- Rumi