Achievement and Satisfaction

Work has been funny. Not too difficult nor stressed nor pressurised.

But, at the same time, rather unsatisfying. Regardless of the actual progress made (I have actually setup a bunch of stuff and have put together some rather good ideas), it all seems like little bits and bobs. All disconnected pieces of work, which I flit from one to another. No extended attention span. Which may or may not be my problem, as opposed to the work (except for the fact that it is indeed related to the work - that is the element of how activity affects psychology quite inextricably).

Not like working on a project, on an assignment, where there is something serious to be done, and where I have to really focus and apply to get it done. On something that is both important and interesting at the same time (not something that may be important to somebody else – or so they think, or the rules say so – but is utterly deadly boring – of which there is so much involved in the work environment).

Not that I necessarily want to get overloaded and pressurised with doing some stuff, but I do think that I really need a full-on project to work on for a period of time, that I can really dedicate myself to. It then feels like something is achieved, that I am doing something worthwhile.

It can be virtually anything, and it certainly can be something that I have created for myself. But it needs to be fairly dedicated, almost full-time work. I think one of the problems here is that I don’t have the luxury of dedicating myself solely to something that I really want to do (because there is this other work that is necessary – earnings wise) and so I end up flitting from one thing to another (simply because there is absolutely so much that needs to be done, personally and professionally) and not really being satisfied with any of the things done.

Not all the time, mind you, since some of the activities actually produce or result in something good and worthwhile, and progress towards the ultimate goal (if there is such a thing – wouldn’t it be nice to know it), and some days (many days) I feel good about the situation – but, other days, honestly, it is rather disheartening and stultifying. One just, then, feels like doing nothing. And maybe that is probably a reasonable solution, in some instances for some circumstances – stop the headlong rush and breathe quietly for a minute – then resume.